Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you
by hipotamus
Summary: When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you. when I kissed you I was afraid to love you. But now I love you, and I'm so afraid of losing you. HarryGinny tearjerker.


A/N: Ok so this is just a short sad story about Harry and Ginny. Written today when I was feeling a bit resentful towards love. Please read it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even my heart, I gave that away. But it's ok, I learned from my mistake and won't be doing _that_ again.

Now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you

"Well, I better be going, Viktor and I are going furniture shopping." Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up. "Should be fun. Take care of yourself won't you?"

Ginny nodded and stood as well, taking Hermione's mug. "I'm fine, just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Hermione nodded sympathetically as the girls made their way over to the door. They hugged, a difficult task as Hermione's large stomach got in the way. She had almost left when Ginny blurted out, "Harry didn't come home last night."

Hermione stopped in her tracks and turned around. Quickly closing her gaping mouth she stepped forward and rested a hand on Ginny's arm. "Oh Ginny."

Angrily brushing betraying tears away, Ginny leant against the door frame. "Go Hermione, I don't want to make you late."

"Ginny-"

"Hermione, go."

With a small sad wave, Hermione walked off a few paces and disappeared with a pop. Slowly, Ginny walked back up the flight of stairs and into the flat she and Harry shared. Breathing in deeply she realised that it smelt like him. Everything in here gave off the scent, the feeling of her husband. Walking over to the fireplace, Ginny picked up a large picture frame from the mantle. The photo had been taken a few weeks before the wedding in the Weasley's back garden. Harry was standing behind Ginny, his arms wrapped around her waist and whispering something in her ear. Ginny in the photo laughed and waved.

Feeling sobs rack her body, Ginny put the photo back on the mantel, face down. She then proceeded to walk around the whole sitting room, turning all the photos upside down so she didn't have to see their happy, mocking faces.

Harry hadn't come home last night; instead, Hedwig had arrived with a note telling her he'd been kept at the office and not to wait up. But of course, Ginny did wait up. She always did. But last night she waited up in vain. She waited for someone who never arrived.

Now unable to control the gasps and sobs, Ginny sunk to the floor, and covered her head with her arms. They'd been married for two years when things began to fall apart. Harry had been promoted and promoted until he held a very important position in the Ministry and worked long hours. Their failed attempts at having children, depressed Ginny until they stopped trying, until they stopped having sex altogether because it wasn't the same as it used to be. As the tears began to fade away, Ginny was left hiccupping on the floor, tears drying on her face.

She remembered the days when Harry would come home in the middle of the day, just to kiss her and tell her he loved her. She remembered when he used to wake her up in the middle of the night with a kiss, and then pretend it wasn't him and snored loudly.

Ginny smiled to herself and stood up, heading towards the kitchen to put the mugs in the sink. A piece of parchment was spello-taped to one of the cupboards. Ginny rolled her eyes when she saw it. Harry had stuck it up there a few months ago. It read, "Lots of things change, lots of things don't, but the fact that I love you, that will always stay the same". She almost took it down but stopped herself. No point taking down the only reminder of the Harry she used to know.

---

"Hey, what are you doing still awake?"

Ginny was sitting on the floor by the fire, knees tucked under her chin, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. She looked up when Harry came in through the door but didn't answer him. Instead she just turned her head back towards the flickering fire.

"Ginny? Love?"

Still Ginny didn't reply, she didn't move, didn't give any sign that she'd heard him. She knew she was hurting him. She knew what she was doing. After all, spiteful words would just hurt his feelings but silence…no silence would break his heart. She didn't want to break his heart, she wasn't cruel, but he'd broken hers. She'd given it to him, trusted him with it, and he'd broken it.

Harry sat down beside her on the rug but still she didn't move, didn't speak. "Please talk to me?" he whispered. Finally she turned to him. There he was. Harry, that eleven-year-old boy, standing awkwardly on a train platform, looking around for help. He had untidy hair, knobbly knees and taped glasses. At that very moment she'd fallen in love with him. And even now, when she looked into his eyes, she could still see the boy she loved.

"Remember the first time we met?" Ginny whispered, turning her head back to the fire. "I remember, when I saw you, I was afraid to meet you. And then, a year later, once I'd met you all I wanted to do was kiss you. But I was afraid to do that. And then finally I did kiss you, and I was terrified…terrified of loving you. But you made me love you Harry. And my goodness I loved you."

She turned to look at him, and a tear trickled down his cheek. "Ginny no…" he whispered, noticing the use of past tense.

"And then when I loved you, I was so afraid of losing you," she was now fighting the tears burning at the front of her eyes. "But now…"

"No Ginny, please don't. Please…" He grabbed her hand, tears running down his face. He kneeled, taking both her hands in his.

Ginny continued. "But now I've lost you," she choked out.

"No Ginny you haven't. I'm still here, I'm still me. Please don't do this. I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you. Remember Ginny," he was desperate now to make her listen, desperate to bring her back to him. "Remember: 'To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower'…"

It was their poem, the poem that Ginny had once read out to Harry one happy summer years ago and had stuck with them through the good times and the bad, but it wasn't enough now. Nothing could fix this last year.

"Ginny please," Harry whispered as a fat tear trickled down Ginny's face. "You remember the rest don't you? Please…"

"…'hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour' ", Ginny whispered, pulling her hands out of Harry's and scooting away from him.

"Ginny this is us, we can make it through anything."

Ginny stood, picking up the bag she had packed earlier that afternoon, and slipped her feet into her shoes.

"Gin, love, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Ginny just hoisted the bag onto her shoulder and looked down at him. "I went to the Ministry last night. I was worried about you." She paused, then said, "What's her name anyway?"

"Oh god." He moaned, burying his face in his hands. "Ginny, it didn't mean anything, honestly. Please, just please forgive me."

"I've got to go, Harry," she said, taking a step towards the door, then turning to face him. "I love you more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to you forever. But love is the most painful thing when the other doesn't love you back. Love is nothing without trust. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let you go."

So please review and tell me what you think. And sorry to make Harry a bit of a bastard. He's lovely really.


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